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Eight Jobs Ken Kutaragi May Enjoy In Retirement

Labeled With  sony playstation 3
Written by DM, Gotti on Friday, May 04 2007

Head of Sega’s Now-defunct Console Division

What better position could there be for the man who made gaming cool again and invented two of video gaming’s most influential pieces of hardware? The time is ripe for Sega to get back into the hardware sect now that they have peddled their wares to gamers of all platforms. Kutaragi-san could lead a major coup and pull all the new Sega game fans back into the fold when he releases the new console from Sega – the MediacenterBluHDstreamingTVdownloadMovieRentalPCgameatron!

Of course, this would mean Sega would have to open a new Home Mortgage division in order to help gamers afford and operate the new console. Not to mention purchase all the download point cards that would be required since every time the hardware is booted it would cost. The hell you say? Pfft, a measly 600 points to power on your hardware is nothing! After all, it only costs $7.00 USD per point! Get with the future people -- Megatransactions!

TV Repairman

This job would be the culmination of Kenny’s master plan to take advantage of the staggering amount of televisions that have been damaged due to Wii Wands and Nunchucks being flung into the front view screen. Unfortunately, when KK actually opens his store, it seems that there is, in reality, only a trickle of televisions that require Wii-pair service, thus foiling his grand scheme. After this, Kutaragi-san will likely have to sell replacement Wii wrist-straps at traffic stoplights to passers-by in order to survive.

Duke Nukem Forever Beta Tester

Ahh, the true definition of retirement, folks. If Kenny is truly looking for a change in his life where he will have the time to partake in all the pursuits which he has, up until now, not had time for, then this is the ideal position! We all know that Duke Nukem Forever is truly an apropos name for the game since it will never see the light of day, so who cares if Ken shows up for work? Hell, who cares if he even knows where “work” is? Certainly not the 3D Realms people, and certainly not us gamers who know that after 10 years of waiting, there is no way in the 7 circles of hell that this game will measure up to the ridiculous level of hype and ridicule that it has garnered so why even bother trying? Sit back, relax, cast your fishing rod, and let the good times roll.

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