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Eight Jobs Ken Kutaragi May Enjoy In Retirement

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Written by DM, Gotti on Friday, May 04 2007

Online Virtual Pimp For Game Nerds

Since Kutaragi-san has built up a stable of virtual women over the many years since the inception of the original Playstation, it is time to put those “biatches” to work. The list of available employees can include the likes of Lara Croft, Rayne from the Bloodrayne series, and all the women from the Final Fantasy games including Tifa Lockheart, Yuna, Aerith, and, of course, the lovely Rikku. The list goes on an on, and any number of gamer nerds who sit at home all weekend in front of their consoles or PCs would pay big bucks to spend even an hour with an interactive version of these grade-A virtual hotties. KK would also be able to make a lucrative side profit offering a keyboard and gamepad cleaning service or marketing a special brand of cleaning solution. Free bottle for first-time customers, one per household.

and, finally,

Sony Playstation Public Relations Representative (rimshot!)

Because seriously, at this point, they need all the help they can get. It fact, at this point Sony would be hard pressed to give the PS3 a worse PR image than it already has. Even if they went out and filmed a commercial where nuns were clubbing baby seals with PS3 units that were paid for with the blood of orphans, it would not make the Playstation 3 look any worse than it already does. In fact, we heard that this may be the next download game available on the PS3 PSN download store, PS3 Nunny Seal Clubber X-treme.

Well, there you have it folks. We sincerely hope that Kutaragi-san is able to find work in one of these fulfilling yet challenging positions. We here at GR do appreciate that today’s job market is cutthroat and can sometimes be overwhelming, but with the resume that KK wields, we think he will have no problem finding gainful employment. Here is a small tip from us to you though Ken, stop writing on your resume after you reach the end of the Playstation 2. You may not even want to mention the PSP, of course, unless you show them that treat Jessica Chobot who made a name for herself by licking the Sony handheld. What a dish she is! Just kidding JC, we love you, and we love Kenny K! Good luck Mr. Kutaragi, and remember, there will always be a position for you here at GR! And yes, we will provide you with a mop.

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